11 Ways to Prepare Yourself for Divorce

Deciding to file for divorce is a major life decision. You need to make sure that you are prepared in the best way possible. Here are 11 things that you can do to prepare yourself before filing for a divorce.

1. Save up some funds to which you will have easy access – funds which your spouse can’t get at. You will need such funds to compensate for the potential lack of your spouse’s income. If you are a two income family, the sudden drop from two incomes to one can be a real shock to your bank account. If you are currently being supported by your spouse, you may need the funds to carry you until such time as you can get voluntary support from your spouse or, alternatively, a court order for support. You’ll also need funds if you decide to hire a lawyer. You may need to move out of the matrimonial home, in which case you will need a deposit for your first and last month's rent, or funds to purchase a new home or new furniture.

2. Do some research and hire a good family law lawyer. A divorce is not granted overnight. If you and your spouse are fighting a great deal, the divorce process – from start to finish – can take two years or more. You’ll be spending a lot of time communicating with your lawyer. Do your research and hire a good family law lawyer - a lawyer who you are confident understands you and will represent your interests. You hire experts in all other areas of your life. When you are ill – you see a physician. When you have a toothache – you see a dentist. If your car breaks down  - you take it to an auto mechanic. The same should be true of you are considering getting a divorce. You must hire a trusted counsel to guide you through this difficult time and to protect your interests. An experienced and skilled family law lawyer will help you understand the process,  and guide you as painlessly as possible through the entire divorce process.

3. Take stock of your joint finances. Your spouse might be planning to take all the money you have in any joint lines of credit or joint bank accounts, or cancel them, leaving you with access to little or no cash. This can be a real problem for you because even if you have a lot of assets on paper, they may not be in a form where which you can be easily accessed. You have a number of options when dealing with a joint line of credit or joint bank account. The first option is simply to do nothing. The second option is to take half the money in the line of credit or bank account and put it in a separate bank account which you hold in your name alone. The third option is to take most or all the money available from the joint line of credit or joint bank account and deposit  that in a separate bank account which is held in your name only.

The option you choose should depend on your family situation, on the status of your relationship with your spouse and on their personality. For instance, if you are a stay-at-home mother, with no other sources of income, it may make a lot of sense for you to take all the money in the account to provide you with a reserve fund of accessible cash. However, taking all, or a large portion of the money available in the joint line of credit or joint bank account may not be to your advantage, as it may make you look bad in the eyes of a judge, and appearances In these circumstances, may be important. Taking only half the funds available in the joint line of credit or in the joint bank account may make the most sense. Regardless of what you choose to do, it is important that you consider the issue carefully as well as the implications of all your actions.

4. Evaluate the status of joint credit cards, lines of credit and other liabilities. Is there a risk that your spouse will go on a spending spree? If they do, and they push the line of credit or credit card to its limit, you could be liable for part or all of the money that he or she spends. The best way to protect yourself, is to cancel all joint credit cards, lines of credit and other joint liabilities.

5. Keep you wits about you and deal with the practical issues. While it is true that this is a time of great emotional upset to you, it is important that you keep your wits about you and deal with the practical issues surrounding the dissolution of your marriage. You need to gather and organize your family’s financial records and put them in a safe place. This includes making an inventory of valuables such as the contents of safety deposit boxe; jewellery, and artwork. It is possible that your spouse may be hiding assets. If at all possible, review all mail coming into your house and make a list of the sender and return addresses, especially if the mail is from a financial institution.

6. Change your designated beneficiaries. You may not be aware of this, but during the divorce process, you are still technically married to your spouse. As such, if you do not have a will, your spouse will inherit a substantial portion of your estate should you pass away. If you do have a will, it probably states that you are leaving your estate to your spouse. Speak to your lawyer about writing a will or changing your current will by leaving your estate to alternate beneficiaries. You should also consider changing the beneficiary of your life insurance policy, pension and RRSPs. If you were to pass away without doing this, your spouse might inherit all of these monies, which is likely contrary to your current wishes.

7. Consider severing any property held in joint tenancy with your spouse. If you do not and you pass away, ownership of that property, typically the matrimonial home, will pass to your spouse alone and this may be contrary to your wishes. However if your spouse passes away before you, it may be advantageous for you not to sever.

8. Keep a journal. Having notes which you made at the time an incident with your spouse occurred will help support the arguments you may want to make in your case is critical. It is important that keep a journal of the important events relating to the breakup of your marriage, particularly if these have had an impact on your children or if you are living in an abusive situation. You should know that in considering issues regarding the children, the court's guiding principle is always what is in the child's best interests. Thus, when making journal entries about your children, it is important to you do so from the child's point of view. For example, if your spouse is late in returning the children from an access visit, rather than note what a bad parent your spouse is, you should note the effect that the lateness had on the children, for example, did it mean that they got to bed late and could not concentrate the next day at school because they were tired?

9. Anticipate your post-divorce financial condition. This means you need to plan for your future finances. Whether you worked during you or marriage or not, the fact is that when a couple divorces, everyone becomes poorer. You’re moving from either a two income household to a one income household, or you will be trying to support two households on one income. In either case, the financial pressures will be considerable. If you are not working you might be best advised to go back to school or seek employment. If you are not ill or disabled, and if your children are school aged, you should be able to demonstrate that you are making some effort and taking steps to become self sufficient.

10. Take good care of yourself. The dissolution of your marriage is one of the most stressful situations that you will ever go through. You must make sure that you are in as good health as possible — both emotionally and physically — before you start the divorce process. Establish and maintain a good support system. By having the support of friends, family or a counsellor, you will be better equipped to get through this difficult process.  You might consider speaking with your physician or a therapist to deal with your anger and emotional upset. Try to get some exercise, even if its only a good walk every day. Eat properly. This can be a lengthy process, you will need your emotional and physical stamina both for yourself and to be able to continue to properly care for your children.

11. Learn the basics of Canadian divorce law. Knowledge is power. The better you understand the legal process and divorce laws, the more reasonable your expectations will be and the less surprised you will be when you encounter inevitable delays and obstacles.

Please note that this information is general in nature and not intended to be a substitute for legal advice. If you are concerned about your rights when getting a divorce and on how to negotiate the divorce process following the breakdown your marriage or common law relationship, please contact a lawyer. You can get free information about how to select and retain a lawyer by getting a copy of the FREE REPORT offered at the top right-hand corner on this page. Do not sign a separation agreement without independent legal advice.